The Lice Guys Save the State Capitol

A Chaotic Tale of Heroes, History, and Head Lice**

It was supposed to be a simple day.

Enzo and Giuseppe had volunteered as chaperones for their kids’ fourth-grade field trip to the Texas State Capitol — a decision they instantly regretted the moment thirty sugar-fueled children burst from the school bus like bees from a kicked hive. Still, they were proud dads, and nothing — NOTHING — could possibly go wrong on a wholesome educational tour.

That’s when the screaming started.

Part I: The Outbreak Heard ‘Round the Rotunda

The children were halfway through their tour when a panicked aide sprinted through the rotunda shouting:

“THE LEGISLATURE IS SCRATCHING! I REPEAT — THE LEGISLATURE IS SCRATCHING!”

The tour guide gasped. A teacher fainted. A small boy asked if this meant the field trip would end early.

Enzo and Giuseppe exchanged a knowing look. They had seen that frantic itch before — the rapid-fire, double-handed scramble that only one thing caused:

Head lice. A full legislative outbreak.

Inside the House chamber, the scene was absolute anarchy. Lawmakers clawed at their scalps. Papers flew. Microphones toppled. One representative tried to Google “what do lice look like’l while simultaneously whisper-shouting “how to tell if you have lice” at his seatmate. Another demanded to know can lice live on car seats because she had driven herself to work that morning.

And then came the thunderous cry:

“MAKE WAY FOR THE GOVERNOR!”

Enter Governor Tanner “Freewheelin” Edmonton

Governor Edmonton burst through the chamber doors, rolling in fast and furious, his wheelchair gliding like a hot rod on polished marble.

“SHAVE ME!” he bellowed.

His panicked staff obeyed instantly. Clippers buzzed, hair flew, and within seconds Governor Freewheelin was bald as a louse egg. Cameras flashed. Reporters screamed.

But to everyone’s surprise — and confusion — the governor’s newly exposed head revealed…

A giant bluebonnet tattoo.

Across the entire scalp.

In full bloom.

“THOUGHT I COULD HIDE MY LOVE FOR THE STATE FLOWER?” he shouted proudly. “NOT TODAY!”

The chamber fell silent.

And that’s when a single lice bug strolled across his shiny bluebonnet crown like it was hiking through Hill Country.

The screaming resumed.

Part II: The Lice Guys Leap Into Action

Enzo snapped open his satchel. Giuseppe tossed him a comb like a quarterback firing a pass. The kids gasped — they knew that stance. Their dads were transforming.

The Lice Guys were officially on the case.

“Everyone stay calm!” Enzo shouted.

“We are trained lice professionals!” Giuseppe added.

“PROFESSIONAL HEAD LICE REMOVAL IS OUR GAME!” Enzo proclaimed to the chamber.

Governor Freewheelin nodded gravely and wheeled aside. “Boys… do what you must.”

The legislature formed a panicked line resembling airport security if airport security involved more scratching.

The Lice Guys went to work:

• Checking for lice symptoms
  
  

• Identifying lice bumps on scalp
  
  

• Teaching the difference between lice eggs, louse egg, and lice larvae
  
  

• Explaining why will lemon juice kill lice is a myth
  
  

• Spritzing a little lice repellent on the lawmakers who kept trying to leave early
  
  

• Pulling aside one rep who insisted fumigation for lice was necessary (“No sir, put the leaf blower down…”)
  
  

One senator demanded to know, “ do lice prevention sprays work!” while another whispered tearfully about her previous salon experience and asked if the Lice Guys had ever been to a lice salon Austin location, or an Austin lice salon.

Meanwhile, Enzo expertly used a delousing spray (“THIS ISN’T A CURE, JUST A TOOL!”) while Giuseppe educated the gallery about why lice and chlorine don’t mix the way people think (“No, ma’am, swimming pools do NOT kill lice.”)

It was a masterclass in lice removal.

And halfway through the outbreak rescue, Governor Freewheelin began live-streaming the event with the caption:

“#LiceTreatmentHoustonTexas who???? We got the Lice Guys.”

The video hit a million views within fifteen minutes.

Part III: The Wig Toss of Destiny

Just when the chaos seemed under control, a freshman representative burst into tears — he couldn’t go back on the House floor bald.

Enzo and Giuseppe exchanged a slow, knowing grin.

From their training kit — used for workshops, demos, and school partnerships — they pulled out a mannequin head wig.

Giuseppe wound up like an Olympic discus thrower.

The wig sailed across the chamber in a perfect arc.

A hush fell over the room.

The freshman rep leapt — caught it mid-air — and slapped it onto his head with such confidence the entire gallery burst into applause.

The Lice Guys had done more than remove lice.

They had restored dignity.

Part IV: The Medals of Honor

By sundown, every legislator was deloused, treated, combed, and briefed on how to kill lice fast without panicking the entire state.

Reporters clamored. TikTok exploded. One senator proposed a bill to designate Enzo and Giuseppe as “Official State Lice Stoppers.”

And on the Capitol lawn, beneath a spray of confetti and the last rays of a golden Texas sunset, Governor Tanner “Freewheelin” Edmonton presented the dads with medals embossed with — of course — little bluebonnets.

“Today,” he said solemnly, “these brave lice experts saved our government, our dignity, and our scalps.”

The kids cheered.

The lawmakers wept.

A single lice bug looked on from a distant branch, contemplating revenge.